Friday, April 28, 2006

Bipolar disorder is viral!

I have a new theory. Bipolarity is viral, and it mutates in the next generation of hosts to Tourette Syndrome.

One day I was a hero, and two weeks later I was a goat. This came from the the same individual - the same "leader." I was talking to my buddy Steve shortly after I became a goat, and he responded with these words, "What is he? Bipolar?" I laughed for a long time, and still laugh when I think of that moment. Not that I think that being manic depressive is funny, but that it so perfectly defined the moment.

Unfortunately, leadership which works from a bipolar model creates tensions in the people who suffer under its cruel mood swings, and in turn we become moody by virtue of the pressure, and the suffering we endure.

I have noticed a growing tendency for Christians to swear like bikers. (Hmmmm, did I just speak disparagingly of the noble class of individuals who ride chopped Harleys? I must rethink my typecastings.) And when the new found variety of Christian curses like a sailor, it holds less guilt than purchasing an ugly sweater. (Whoops, my brother was a sailor, and he is extremely polite. Typecasting #2 down the toilet and out into the ocean.)

I have noticed that cursing Christians are generally non-institutionally minded, tired of the same old churchlife, seen enough to feel sick about the state of Christianity kind of people. Many of them have been burned by leadership in the church, and its politics. They have experienced the mental and emotional sickness of manic-depressive, two-tongued leadership, and have suffered under its frightening vacillations.

I have been vacillating emotionally myself lately. It has been brought on by being jerked back and forth by a bipolar leadership style. That bipolar leadership has spoken its own cursings to me. Not the four letter word variety, but the formal curses - those words of destruction which tear at the soul. In turn I find my mind filling up with words of the four letter variety, and having to fight them back.

I've always hated the word "crap." I even dislike typing it at this moment. It is considered a minor curse by some, and a simple descriptive exclamation without the typical "four letter" distinction by others. Despite not liking the word, it has been rolling off my tongue in moments of frustration when I am alone. Unfortunately, because the pressure of life is great, the lone moments of frustration come far too often each day. Simple things like waiting in traffic, or hearing a crying kid in grocery store can frustrate me. I normally can smile about those things.

Have I contracted the bipolar disease from bipolar leaders? Has it infected my mind, and is it mutating to Tourette Syndrome?


Agent B said...

Man, you just about described me as to why some followers curse.

Damn, I've been exposed.

Pastor Phil said...

Projection as prophecy is not a good precident to begin, so I think I'll just make it my own personal description. Yet the shoe with the big ol' tongue sticking out the top sure fits my struggling mind at moments.

Can I add your cool blog to my list of bloglodytes I likes?

Agent B said...


I'll wave the handling fee

izenbet said...

hey you just reached a true bipolar gathered person...frustration is not the same as sleep deprivation. or as some of the crap i became numb to.
it feels good to feel again after the healing touch of the father. and no, it's not viral:)