Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Left Behind: The Song!

I am organizing a party for the day after the rapture. Well, the day after the supposed May 21st rapture. In the honor of a better end times theology, and the fact that God doesn't want to leave anybody behind we are throwing a party in Salem, Ma. There is also a Facebook page you can join to be a part of the Left Behind: The Party! There are already a few parties around the US now, so we needed a theme song. Well here it is. Words follow below.

Left Behind: The Song
by phil wyman

Uncle Elmer had a truck
and it was my sin
lusted for his F-150
and that sick lift kit
Uncle Elmer was a preacher
mean as could be
told me 'bout the rapture
and the plagues that I would see
But now he's in a box
six-feet deep
but his pickup in my name
is a sign that God loves me

Left Behind, Left Behind
Uncle Elmer is not with us
but now his truck is mine
Left Behind, Left Behind
he could't take it with him
so now his truck is mine

Voltaire told a story*
'bout a battle on the town
sounded like the last days
when few would be around
They surrounded the city
to starve them out
the soldiers were all dying
cause the food was running out
So, the doctor hatched a plan
to save the day
chopped of the ladies' right buttocks
and all had rump filet

Left Behind, Left Behind
she sacrificed her right cheek
now we call her Left Behind
Left Behind, Left Behind
not sure I'll like the menu
when it comes to the end times

I went to a church
where the preacher did tell us
of that day when we would fly away
to be with Jesus
He said it was comin'
any day
and the church secretary
prophesied as we all prayed
May twenty-first
God will take us all away
but the preacher and the secretary
disappeared that day

Left Behind, Left Behind
the church and the pastor's wife
they were left behind
Left Behind, Left Behind
now we know that God is not the one
who left us all behind

Left Behind, Left Behind
It's your judgments and not God's
that left us all behind
Left Behind, Left BehindI just might throw a party
if I get Left Behind!

* Found in Voltaire's Candide

and I am throwing a party. Yo can find it Facebook, or you can join the community and start your own party! Left Behind: The Party!

Friday, April 15, 2011

Palm Sunday Prayer

Palm Sunday thoughts: identifying with the season of bright sadness

Today we come with Jesus
into the gates of Jerusalem
we hear the lifted praises
and the voices of the mob
but in the pattern of their praise
we hear their turning camouflaged
beneath the joyous cries
those who praise the loudest
will next week shout "crucify!"

i, among the frenzied crowd
take my place to find
that i have shouted both in praise
and in betraying jeers
and i as well have sat upon
the ass trudging into town
the bright sadness lies before us
as fandom becomes betrayal
and betrayal turns to love