Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Apathetic? Me?

I still have to keep a watch on Forrest, and so I spend more hours at home than ever before. I will probably have three more weeks of this dog nursing task during the days. This is quite frustrating, but I suppose it should give me opportunity to do some things I might not regularly get to.

Jeff and Ken want me to get a book together since it appears that I will need to hit the road soon. Yep, I can get to work on that. I already have so much material it ought to be easy to piece a book together.

I need to get my first trip out to Southern California organized. That should be fun to do, and motivating.

I have done some things to organize these blogs better. That was good. Right?

I find that motivation is difficult. It comes in spurts. Then it fades to black.

Is apathy a result of abuse? I know that stress can cause me to want to run, but this isn't running. I'm not going anywhere, or avoiding anything. I'm just at home doing the dog nursing thing, and trying to get things done which I can do from home.

Discovering what to do next is a tough task in itself. Some of this is easily recognizable as the result of being in new circumstances. I am in need of doing things I have never done before. Yet, some of this struggle comes from the last year of treachery. Could it be that the way we do church, and practice our leadership in Christianity today actually may increase the apathy we preach against?


Adam Gonnerman said...

You ask if apathy is a result of abuse. It could be. When I drove that moving truck from New Mexico to an uncertain future in New Jersey, on some level I figured I'd be dropping off the truck, depositing the family with friends from church, and promply die. It didn't happen that way, so I was forced to live, however grudgingly. Apathy and depression slouched hand-in-hand for months as I struggled to find a way to believe and have hope for the future. Some of the chaos is probably apparent from my blog posts as recently as a few months ago. I've thought about taking down the "evidence," but decided against it. I need to own the whole painful, shameful experience of losing who I was and finding my way back.

Pastor Phil said...


Leaving the evidence up is the best thing you could do. Someone needs ot leave a trail of blood which takes us all back to scene of the crime.

If we can get enough clues perhaps we can catch the criminals. That's why this blog is here: 1) to name the criminals (not the people, but the attitudes, fears, and pride) which brings such hurt to people, and 2) to dissect what it is that happens to us when we are the victims of these abusive situations.

May God's grace for deliverance from your enemies be great.

Mark said...

yes old friend, abuse will indeed result in apathy and worse at times.
I am sorry that I was unaware of what you were going through until it recently.
Praying for you folks.


Pastor Phil said...


Thanks brother. We appreciate it much.